The baby asleep, my wife and I decided to spend the two hours before his continued tirade watching a movie. What’s next on the queue? Bee Movie ’starring’ Jerry Seinfeld and a host of other big shots who lent their voices such as Renée Zellweger, Matthew Broderick, John Goodman, Chris Rock, Larry King, Ray Liotta, Sting, and yes, even Oprah Winfrey! With so many big name stars in the movie you know it’s going to be good, right? Sadly, wrong.

With barely a laugh between the two of us for the entire movie, we patiently waited for a much needed smile-inducing scene. Actually, we were more exhausted than patient. If we had any energy in us we would have probably shut it off before the end.

I’m convinced now that Jerry Seinfeld is just not funny. Oh I loved his show but I now believe it was funny in spite of him and not because of him. I never liked his stand-up and now I just don’t like him period.

Now back to Bee Movie… Honestly, the script writer and everyone who approved it need to be flogged publicly in order to set some kind of standard for future children’s movies.

[SPOILER WARNING]

Who in their right minds would think that a legal drama could possibly appeal to kids? Even if it was dressed up in bright yellow and black? Why would kids ever want to see the inside of a courtroom? Why would you have a plane nearly crash in your movie? Why would you have the main characters openly speak about and consider a suicide pact? And don’t insult anyone’s intelligence by saying kids aren’t the target audience of these major 3D animated movies. They have been and will be for a long while.

To add insult to injury, the movie is filled with ridiculous plot wholes and absurdities. Animals can talk? They just chose not to? And it’s not one or two people that can understand them, it’s everyone? And when they do talk, no one makes a big deal about it? And a bee that has almost never left his hive knows what a cup of coffee is? Yes, I agree, I’m nit picking. If a good and funny movie had all of these then I wouldn’t care, but when a movie is long and boring all I can think about are these little stupid inconsistencies and Bee Movie was LITTERED with them!

[/END SPOILER]

Anyway, although I still have more I can rant about, I’m done wasting my breath on this rubbish. Suffice it to say that Bee Movie is to be avoided at all costs unless you really, really like boring 3D animations with huge plot wholes that focus on Bees in an unrealistic and counter-educational fashion. If you are, then this is the movie for you!