A British news site was asking for stories of how video games turned people to a life of crime.

If this isn’t ridiculous in itself, they are also offering money for these stories!

In response to what has to be one of the dumbest requests I’ve seen online, my co-worker wrote the following:

An X-Box killed my family, so I swore revenge, plunging myself into a dark life of loitering and jay walking.

Every night, I wander the streets, looking for streets to walk across.

That guy standing by the wall? That guy standing by the crosswalk — standing and playing his DS like a lifeless husk of a man who’s fell into the dark abyss? Yeah, that was me.

I’m not proud of it. No one ever is.

I’ve even joined a street gang. The Turtle Stompers. You’ve probably heard of us.

We play Mario Kart and stand in two parking spots at once on the weekends.

We are the lost.

We are the damned.

The road to vengeance is full of hate and tears. It’s lonely road. But it’s the one I walk every day.

Can I have my hundred bucks, now?

-Dan