Like any franchise that’s been around since the early 60’s, Spider-man has it’s fair share of ups and downs. When said franchise is popular, the bad is often forgotten and the good glorified and forever remembered. The purpose of this post is to remind the reader of some of the bad that has sullied Spider-Man comics in the past. Lest we forget.

The following 10 characters are the absolute worst villains that Spider-Man has fought throughout the years. Some have stupid names, others useless powers or embarrassing costumes, but all of them have one thing in common: they should never have existed.

10. Boomerang

Congratulations Boomerang! You’re the best of the worst Spider-Man super villains. Marvel wanted Australian characters and the only images that came to their collective mind were a boomerang, a kangaroo, and a koala … and a koala is kind of silly for a serious villain so they just stuck to the first two. Even if I was REALLY good at throwing boomerangs (as in the best in the world) I would never consider for a second that my talent would allow me to do anything more than 10 minutes of fame on youtube. I know a guy who’s great at Yo-Yos but he hasn’t dropped out of school to go on a crime spree just yet. Come on, if he’s that good at aiming with a boomerang, why hasn’t he just picked up a gun and hit the shooting range?

9. The Fly

Spider-Man was accidentally bitten by a radio-active spider. It worked out great in his case since a spider has really cool powers. What if you had a choice of which animal’s powers you could imbue someone with, what would you choose? Well, Harlan Stillwell was tasked by J Jonah Jameson to create a new super hero to rival Spider-Man … so Stillwell naturally chose a fly to catch a spider. That’s about the worst decision I’ve ever heard of! Instead of choosing one of the many natural predators that spiders have in nature, Stillwell (or rather the genius writers behind that story arc) chose their most common meal?

8.  Mirage

This is the first villain to make this list based mostly on his choice of attire. The Mirage has as much chance of being busted by fashion police as he does by regular flatfoots. A yellow striped jumpsuit would normally be enough to send anyone to the loony bin, but add that ridiculous head-piece to the ensemble and you’d make this an open and shut case.

Mirage’s ‘powers’ are not a saving grace either. He’s pretty much a poor man’s Mysterio since the former uses his suit to project cheap holograms while the latter uses holograms as well as an array of special effects in his unsuccessful attempts to thwart the wall-crawler.

Being a cheap imitation of a mediocre villain and combining that with his lack of fashion sense cements Mirage’s place on this list.

7. Kangaroo

I wasn’t kidding when I said Marvel has a villain named Kangaroo! At this point, I wouldn’t even be surprised if there’s a Koala-Man out there I haven’t heard of. Kangaroo’s powers include jumping really high (duh) and boxing very well (who thinks up this garbage?).  What’s worse, when the original Kangaroo (Frank Oliver) died and fans cheered, Marvel’s writers missed him so much they made someone else (Brian Hibbs) pick up where he left off!

If the biggest loser in the world isn’t a man who calls himself Kangaroo and who commits crime by jumping around like one, then the biggest loser is definitely a man who idolized that loser, puts on a fake Australian accent and a kangaroo suit with an actual tail, and picks up where his idol left off.

6. The Answer

The Answer was genetically altered in order to spontaneously develop any power he needs in a given situation. He has no control over which powers he develops and there seems to be no limits as to which powers he can have (strength, speed, flight, pyromania, light manipulation, telekinesis etc..). Sounds cool until you realize this doesn’t make any sense at all!

First of all, if you’re able to genetically alter yourself so, why would you limit yourself by not gaining all of the powers at the same time? And why would you allow your body to decide which powers you gain instead of at least letting yourself choose them on the fly? This is assuming that such a genetic mutation makes the least bit of sense. I understand Rogue’s mutant ability to absorb other people’s powers because it can be explained by pseudo science (upon human contact, her DNA rewrites itself), but the Answer’s powers are just dumb. They just don’t make sense and even pseudo-science can’t explain them.

5. Gibbon

How do you take a mutant with similar powers to the X-Men’s Beast and make him the laughing stock of the Super-Criminal world? 2 easy steps: Give him the name and costume of an ape and voila! There’s really not much to be said here, just look at him! And if you were to pick an ape, why Gibbon? Why not Gorilla or Baboon? A Gorilla is big and strong and a Baboon is vicious … a Gibbon is small and cute and cuddly. I guess the only upside is that his costume (or something very similar) can be found at any local costume shop in the bargain bin. The hard part is finding someone willing to dress as Gibbon for Halloween.

4. Vulture

The Vulture is by far the lamest “high profile” Spider-Man villain. He’s an old, bald, feeble man with a hawk nose who dresses up in green feathers and wings and flies around using gadgets to unsuccessfully commit crimes. Believe it or not, Vulture often makes it on the same list as legitimately bad-ass bad guys such as Venom, Carnage, Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, and the Lizard. While other baddies on this list are obvious duds, some people actually like the train-wreck that is the Vulture. The only saving grace is that, due to his old age, he’s very likely to die soon … one can hope.

3. Mindworm

Had this list been called “10 Worst Villain names”, Mindworm would have made the list. Had it been “Ugliest Villains” he would have made it as well. In fact, I can’t think of any “worst” list this monstrosity wouldn’t have made.  Smelliest? Check! Least likely to succeed? Check! Most perverted? I don’t know for sure but I’d put my money on Check! It seems that when Marvel writers do something right, they do a great job. When they do something wrong though, they call it Mindworm.

2. Fusion

Imagine you’re a comic-book producer and that you’ve charged me with the job of coming up with a villain. What would you do if I suggest that Spider-Man should fight a stupid janitor midget named Pinky? You would probably say that Hubert would be a more fitting name and that the midget should be a genius, not an idiot. We’d probably then happily compromise and decide that the villain should be the by-product of two midget twin brothers named Pinky and Hubert who are merged by a bizarre experiment gone wrong. Then we would both be fitted with straight-jackets and taken to a well-padded room to discuss more ideas … unless we worked for Marvel, in which case our mind child would be given life!

1. Walrus

The Walrus is obviously Marvel’s attempt at a joke character (as opposed to the other “serious” attempts at villains found on this list). Even during his confrontation with Spider-Man, the latter couldn’t help but laugh uncontrollably. You would too if you were fighting someone with the “proportionate speed, strength, and agility of a Walrus”. That basically means he’s stronger than an average human, is able to hold his breath under water, and is able to resist colder temperatures than a normal human. As underwhelming a list of powers as that is, there’s more: The Walrus is also slower, less agile, and much dumber than an average human.

Spider-Man might have laughed when he encountered the Walrus but this blogger doesn’t find the joke funny at all. Being a joke does not save the Walrus from receiving first place as the worst Spider-Man villain ever. Congratulations Walrus, at least you made first place at something.

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